i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
