Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
