her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Your penis caused this!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
