I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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