I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
