he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
