pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
