Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
