Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
