When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
