I showed him my bush... on skype.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
