Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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