when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
