I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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