Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
