I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
