so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
