yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
