the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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