google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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