Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
