We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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