yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
