Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
