If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
