Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
