he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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