I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
