I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
