I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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