His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
