just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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