I was born with a shot glass in my hand
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
