he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Come see our sink grown plant.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize