you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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