I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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