I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
