I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
