i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
