from now on my penis is your penis
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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