I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
the condom got lost in my hair
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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