My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
