toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
