I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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