The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
so that wasnt chicken after all
grandma shit on top of the toilet
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
