i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
