Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
