Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
