i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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