It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
