Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
