yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
It's never too late to be topless.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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