So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
