she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize