He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I could fuck to npr.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
