So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
