shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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