I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize