: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
