wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
