oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize