Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
