I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you mean i was at the winter classic?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
