apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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