My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize