you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
