Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
