I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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