if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
