just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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