You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
