She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
