Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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