Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Randomize
