So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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