Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
