If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize